Once upon a time, the end
by Aoi Akiko
Summary: Once upon a time there was a sister trying to get a brother to sleep, and since she has anime on the brain... this were the stories she told... (laughfest for ya...! )
1. Teaser

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Prologue

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Once upon a time, there was a sister that was trying to put her brother to sleep…

Brother: _Nee-chan_, tell me a story…

Sister: It's *wa-ay* past your bedtime…!! I am *NOT* going to tell you a story…!!

Brother: _Demo_… I can't sleep… Please…? Just a short, short one…?

Sister: *sigh* *conceding* Alright, alright… _Once upon a time… The end_. Now go to sleep…!!

Brother: *pout* That's _not _a story…!!

Sister: It is… It began with _ Once upon a time_ and ended with _The end_ – what more do you want?! Now go to *sleep*…!!

But the brother would not sleep… Not that night, or any other night following that… So the I-just-want-you-to-go-to-sleep sister relented after many moons, and since she's an _anime _nutcase, her 1001 nights always had the element of _bishounens _present…  
Thus, a new collection of chronicles was born… 

Dear reader, I give you… the _ Once upon a time… The end_ stories…

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_Aoi Akiko rambles:_

_Yes, this is a teaser... The story shall follow this, in Chappie 1...!!_

_Why am I writing this...? Because I'm sick and tired of memorizing Latin-names-that-make-no-sense for neuroanatomy, and the exam stress has finally gotten to me...!! SO, gomen if the following isn't going to make any sense, but hopefully, you'll all have a ball of a time laughing your head off as much as I did while typing it all out..._

_Standard disclaimer: The last time I checked, my name was *not* Yuu Watase... *wails*_

_Warning: Some characters may be OOC. And although the authoress wishes not to discriminate any of the characters (Aoi Akiko loves them all...!! ^.^), some characters may appear a little abused. This was all either unintentional, or done so only for the sake of the story... Wari, wari, na no da... ^-^_


	2. The three little pigs

Night #1: The three little pigs...

Enter, stage right...

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The three little _seishi_...

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_Once upon a time, there lived a family of pigs—_

**Cast**: *scowling* Do we *look* like _PIGS_ to you…?!?!

_Ah… my mistake… Let's start again…_

_Once upon a time, there lived a family of… um… there was a ma and… but her kids were… um… Argh…!! *confuzzled* Once upon a time, there lived an oracle and a bunch of seishi…_

**Taiitsukun**: *smirking* Much better…

_*groan* Anyway…!! Once upon a blah blah blah, there was the blah blih blah… Now one day, the mother pig—_

**Taiitsukun**: *ahem* *glares*

_—*cough* *cough* oracle decided that her seishi were old enough to look after themselves and find the destined miko… So, the mother pig—_

**Taiitsukun**: *growl* *eerie glow surrounds her*

_—*gulp* ORACLE packed 3 baskets of—_

**Miaka**: *sparkly eyes* *_FOOD_*!! *pounces on baskets*

_(Argh, nononononononono…!! Miaka, you're not supposed to be out until I start 'Aubilocks and the three seishi…!!)(*sees food is all gone*)(*Miaka burps*)(*sweatdrop*)_

_Fine. When life gives you lemons, you write yaoi-mush for—matte, matte, you're not supposed to know that…!! *backspace* *backspace* *backspace*_

_O-kay…!! SO, the mother pig—_

**Taiitsukun**: *prepares lightning bolt*

_Eep…!! Nyan-nyan shield, now…!! *nyan-nyans pop out of nowhere to shield authoress from omnipotent powers…* I take it back—ORACLE, alright…?_

**Taiitsukun**: *floating behind authoress* One more mistake and you'll be babysitting nyan-nyans for life, understood…?

_*whimper* *nods*_

_SO, the *reads cue cards* ORACLE packed 3 baskets of… stuff… and called for her three seishi—_

**Taiitsukun**: *hollering* If the three of you _seishi_ don't haul your Suzaku-feathered hides before me, _RIGHT NOW_, I'll make sure the powers-that-be'll give _ MIBOSHI_ as your _miko_…!!

_—*finishing sentence* ever so sweetly… *stares upwards* *sweatdrop*_

_So her three faithful seishi scrambled over themselves towards their mothe—ORACLE… for fear of being cursed with ugly Destiny… Especially the two elder seishi—_

**Hotohori**: *shielding himself with his hand* *shudder* Dear Suzaku, for what sin have I committed to be the _seishi_ of such a ghastly guide…?

**Tamahome**: _SUNAKAKE BABA_ – I lost count of my _okane_ *again*…!! Now I have to start all over again…!! *grr* _Ichi… ni… san…_

_—for the eldest seishi had been pining for the miko for years, and the 2nd seishi was destined to fall in love aforementioned miko…_

**Taiitsukun**: *bursting into flames* SUCH UNGRATEFUL _SEISHI_—

**Hotohori **& **Tamahome**: *holding each other* _Na, kowai desu ne…_

**Taiitsukun**: For such _ INSOLENCE_, you don't _DESERVE_ my final gift—

**Tamahome**: _Ch_… the last time you *bestowed* a gift on me, I freaked Miaka out…

**Hotohori**: *smirk* You're just jealous, Tamahome…

**Tamahome**: *glare* _Teme~~~_

**Taiitsukun**: _URUSAI_…!! If you can't behave like decent _seishi_, then _OUT_!!

_And without further ado, the mothe—ORACLE kicked them into the stratosphere and out of Taikyoku-zan…_

_Landing somewhere-at-the-left-of-the-middle-of-nowhere, three seishi hit the ground with a painful *thud*—_

_*THUD* *THUD* *plop*_

**Chiriko**: *smiling and patting nyan-nyans that have broken his fall* Why, thank you, kind nyan-nyans…

**Nyan-nyans**: We help! We help!! We help, we heal, we fix…!!

**Tamahome**: *while getting 'helped' by fellow nyan-nyans* *vein pop* What the—OI! Why do *we* have to bruise during our fall and you get to—

**Taiitsukun**: *pops out of nowhere* *head grows thrice the size of her body* _BECAUSE I SAID SO, D*MMIT!! HE DESERVES MUCH MORE THAN THE TWO OF YOU COMBINED…!!_

**Tamahome-mush-on-the-ground**: *quivers* _Kowai_…

**Taiitsukun**: Anyway, I thought I should grant you all at least *one* final wish as my _seishi_… Chiriko gets two… *Tamahome & Hotohori are about to protest* _NO QUESTIONS ASKED, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!?!_

**Tamahome **& **Hotohori**: *whimper* Y-yes…

**Taiitsukun**: Good. Now be off… *pops out of existence*

**Nyan-nyans**: Good luck! Good luck!! _Ja_! _Ja_!! _Ja~~~_*pop*

**_Seishi_**: *sweatdrop*

_*sigh* And so, the three seishi decided to journey different paths in search for the most perfect spot to built a shelter while waiting for their miko. (Actually, they split up because they didn't want the others to steal their ideas of how to win their miko's heart, but that's another story…)_

**Tamahome**: *rubbing hands* Hehe… with Taiitsukun's wish, I'll build a house that'll melt any girl's heart, not only Miaka's… *commanding pose* By the power of Suzaku, with the gift from Taiitsukun, I wish for a house made out of… _OKANE_!!

_*ka-ching*_

**Tamahome**: $___$ So much _okane~~~_ *gleefully starts at one wall* _Ichi… ni… san…_

_Meanwhile, far far away from our money-obsessed seishi, there was a big bad wolf—_

**Tasuki**: Oi, _onna_…! I may be able to call forth _okami_ from my blessed paper wards, my name maybe changed to _Genrou_, but I am no d*mned _WOLF_!!

_*narrows eyes* Oh…? Would you rather I say *suggestively* kitsune then…?_

**Tasuki**: *___* Chichiri…

_One more word out of you, and you'll never be united with Chichiri-sama in 'Phantom of the Temple', na no da…_

**Tasuki**: *bows at authoress' feet* _Hai~~~_

_*ahem* Alright, now, where was I…? Ah yes… There was a big bad *feels generous* bandit, who was wandering the land, looking for his miko… By some twisted decided coincidence, he came upon Tamahome's okane-shrine…_

**Tasuki**: $___$ _Gah_… if I call the Reikaku boys over to raid this place, we'll be able to retire early and—

**Tamahome's voice**: *abacus in hand* … and the southern wall had 12,394,908,980 coins… and the western wall had—

**Tasuki**: *blink* Eh…? _ Obake-chan_…?! *bangs on door* Oi, _obake-chan_, _obake-chan_, will you let me in …?

**Tamahome**: *panics* *grabs abacus* *glares at door* Not by the 49,579,635,920 hairs on my chinny chin chi—*blink* what in Konan am I saying…?!?!

_*authoress grins* Call it 'Authoress-sama taking advantage of her creative license'…_

_Anyhow, upon hearing this, the bandit scowled, because he doesn't take rejection very well… You see, our beloved fang-boy may be all muscle and guts, but he really is a softie inside…_

**Tasuki**: *sniffle* No one understands me…

_So he decided to take things to certain extremes…_

**Tasuki**: *growl* Fine! I'll swing, and I'll swipe, and I'll _REKKA SHIEN _your house down…!!

_And so, Tamahome's golden shrine melted into a wide metallic puddle…_

**Tamahome**: *wailing* My beautiful _okane~~~_

_Then again, when in doubt, take the easy way out…_

**Tamahome**: I know…! I'll go over to Hotohori to see if I can borrow (and never return) enough _ okane_ to start again…!!

_Over on-the-right-of-the-left-of-the-middle-of-nowhere, Hotohori was roused from his Daily Vanity Hour by an urgent pounding at his door._

**Hotohori**: *annoyed* Now what…? *storms over to the door* Look, I've told you a thousand times, Nuriko, I am *not* interested in any girl-scout cookie—Oh, it's you, Tamahome… What are you doing to my door…?

**Tamahome**: *scraping gold off the door frame* Who? Me…? *sweatdrop* Hehe… _nan demo nai_, _na_… I just came to borrow a cup of sugar…

**Hotohori**: *narrows eyes* Has Miaka come by so soon…?

**Tamahome**: Well… no… *ahem* *ahem* but I hoping to make her a cake… to lure *cough* *cough* I mean, _make _her come by sooner… We *are* her _seishi_, _ne_…?

**Hotohori**: Well… I don't have any sugar… *about to close the door* If there's nothing else—

**Tamahome**: *pounce* There is, there is…!! Um… can I… err… borrow 50,000,000,000 pieces of gold from you…?

**Hotohori**: You want *WHAT*?!?!?

_Oi, Tamahome, you're supposed to come here for a reason, *other* than borrowing money…_

**Tamahome**: Oh yeah… by the way, the big bad bandit's on his way here…

**Hotohori**: *ignoring him while staring at his hand-mirror* Uh-huh…

**Tamahome**: It's actually Tasuki, so I thought we should welcome him with some sake…

**Hotohori**: Hmm? Alright, that sounds reasonable enough…

**Tamahome**: And order some food while we're at it…?

**Hotohori**: Whatever you think would suit the occasion…

**Tamahome**: *sly grin* And prepare, say, 50,000,000,000 pieces of gold for your brother's dowry…?

**Hotohori**: Not a problem… not a problem…

**Tamahome**: Can I come in…?

**Hotohori**: *completely engrossed in his reflection* Sure…

**Tamahome**: *stepping into the 'house'* Ye _gods_…!! Must the whole *palace* have end-to-end mirrors…?!?!

_*sweatdrop*_

_Anyway, after teaching Kouji and his band of ruffians how to forge the melted gold into a statue of Suzaku, Miaka, and finally Chichiri (all encrusted with precious stones, no da…), Tasuki finally found Hotohori's… fortress…_

**Tasuki**: *blinking against the gleaming brightness* *sweatdrop* Ya know… Hori might've been an emperor and all, but this takes the cake…

**Miaka**: *pops out of nowhere* *sparkly eyed* Cake? _WHERE_?!?!

_(MIAKA!!)_

**Miaka**: Oops… wrong story, _ne_…? Ah, _gomen gomen_… *pop*

_Anyway…_

**Tasuki**: Oi, _kotei heika_, _obake-chan_, will you let me in …?

**Tamahome **& **Hotohori**: *freezes* Not by the hairs on our chinny chin chin…!!

**Hotohori**: *gasp* I have hairs on my chin…?!?! *summons* _ROYAL MIRROR BEARER, TO ME, NOW!!_

_Dear, dear Tasuki is on the verge of bawling, but that wouldn't be manly… So he unsheathes his tessen—_

**Tasuki**: In that case, I'll swing, and I'll swipe, and I'll _REKKA SHIEN _your house down…!!

_And thus, the whole palace erupted into flames… but since mirrors don't melt very well, they converged and expanded and—_

**Hotohori**: *staring at reflection in distorted mirror* Aaah!! The horror…!! The _HORROR~~~_!!

**Nuriko's voice**: _ Shinpai nai_, _heika-sama_…!! _Yappari aishiteru na_~~~

_For fear of being glomped by the infamous cross-dresser girl-scout, Hotohori ran for the hills…!!_

_And as for Tamahome…_

**Tamahome**: *sniffle* My second mountain of _okane~~~_!!! *pout* *lightbulb* Hey – Chiriko has 2 wishes… Maybe I can con him into using the 2nd wish for my *cough* *cough* I mean, Miaka's benefit…!!

_And he followed after Hotohori soon after…_

**Tasuki**: Oi, stop running away, _obake-cha_—is that _SAKE_ buried under there…?!?!

_While our much-loved bandit drank himself into a drunken stupor, we find our two heroes wailing in the home of the youngest seishi…_

**Hotohori**: *wailing* It was horrible…!! My reflection was flawed, the edges blurred, the colors so wrong…

**Tamahome**: *wailing* I lost 2 lots of money…!! My beautiful _okane_…!! My preciousss, my own… Preciousss…

_*sweatdrop*_

_Chiriko would've sweatdropped too, but that would ruin his concentration while he was studying… So instead, he comforted the best he could…_

**Chiriko**: *calling* Mitsukake, could you fetch our guest some tea while they calm down…?

_*insane authoress laughs evilly in the background*_

_The youngest seishi's 6-foot-tall French-dressed maid hulked into the library, a tray in his hands._

**Mitsukake**: *whispering* Note to self: Slip laxatives into author-_sama_'s tea this evening before her sleepover… *ahem* Your tea, sirs…

**_Seishi_**: Much obliged…

_On the other side of the house, one drunken bandit had had enough of sake, and so came sauntering over in search of another seishi—_

**Tasuki**: *slurred* _Ma-i-a-ga-re_! _Su-za-kuuuu~~~ _*hic* *sees Chiriko's humble home* Ooh, an inn…!! Mebbe Chiri's stayin' here *hic* tonight… *bangs on door* Oi, let me *hic* in…!!

**Hotohori **& **Tamahome**: Aaah!! It's *him*… It's _*HIM*_…!!

**Hotohori**: —the one that melted my mirrors—

**Tamahome**: —the one that melted my _okane_—

**Chiriko**: *peers past window* Oh… It's Tasuki… *ahem* *reads script (reedited)* Unfortunately, dear bandit mine, I refuse your admission into my humble abode, not even for the sake of the follicles on my mastoid, which unfortunately is absent due to my lack of manhood years…

**_Seishi_**: *blink* Eh…?

**Chiriko**: *sigh* *bored tone* *reads script (original)* Not by the hairs on our chinny chin chin… 

**Tasuki**: *blink* Oh… 

_*everyone waits* _

**Tasuki**: *blink* _OH!!_ *gears up* Why you…!! Chiriko, I thought we were _buddies~~~_ I'll swing, and I'll swipe, and I'll _REKKA SHIEN _your house down…!!

**Chiriko**: *wide eyes* No…!! My books…!! Quick, I need to save them… Judging by the wind factor and the speed of conductance and—How? How?? How?!?! *symbol shines brightly* That's it…!! *bows head and uses 2nd wish from Taiitsukun*

_To everyone's surprise, the divine fire sped towards the house—_

_—to be deflected by a protective dome of purest… _

_… pink…_

_(Suzaku: Pink…? *PINK*?! The god of love's official color is read and you make it PINK?!?! *faints*)_

**Tasuki**: *eyes bulge out* _Nani_…?!?!

_But Tasuki's a Suzaku shichiseishi, and Suzaku shichiseishis don't give up easily (Seiryuu shichiseishi: What's *that* supposed to mean…?!?!)(shh… If you'll all be good, I promise Nakago'll be a god, Soi'll get Nakkie-poo, and Tomo'll get yaoi-ed, deal…?)(Seiryuu shichiseishi: Harrumph…). _

_And back to the story… So Tasuki raised his tessen once more and prepared to deliver another blast of divine flame…_

**Tasuki**: _REKKA SHIEN~~~_!!

_And again…_

**Tasuki**: _REKKA SHIEN~~~_!!

_And… again…_

**Tasuki**: _REKKA SHIEN~~~_!!

_And… -.- zzz_

**Voice**: _Daa… Atsui na no da_…

**Tasuki**: _REKKA SHI—_*sparkly eyes* CHICHIRI…!!

_Abandoning his quest of Rekka Shiening the house down, one tsubasa-bestowed seishi barreled through the barrier and landed—_

_*crash* *THUD* _

**Voice**: _Itai, no da~~~_

**Tasuki**: Chichiri…!! It's so good to see you—

_The big bad bandit then dragged the kawaii monk with poofy bangs, no da © to the nearest room to—*ahem* (authoress believes readers have ample imagination to conclude the fates of these two seishi…)_

_And as for the other three seishi… Well… the young Master Chiriko decided to keep his brothers as his servants, because they had led the big bad bandit to his home, and he had been forced to use his wish unexpectedly (Chiriko: *waterfall tears* The complete Tolkien collection… Gone…!! Now *how* am I going to get my hands on those books from Miaka's world…?!?!). Thus, that's how Tamahome ended up balancing Chiriko's accounts (Tamahome: All that money, and it's not mine~~~), Hotohori ended up cleaning windows (Hotohori: Alas, reflections in glass in never the same with mirrors), and later ended up in Nuriko's arms (Nuriko: *sparkly eyed* Ah, window-cleaner-sama…!! You look just like Hotohori – sugoi na~~~), and Mitsukake is still his butler-slash-French-maid-slash-main-Tama-neko-guardian (Mitsukake: *points at basket* Tama, *this* is your basket… *points to newspapers* *THAT* is your litter box… Would you *stop* getting them mixed up?!?!). So, all in all, they lived happily ever after…_

_The end…_

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_Aoi Akiko rambles:_

_Yay! Finis prosa uno...!! Um... review per'f_avore_...?_


	3. The wizard of Oz I

Night #2: The Wizard of Oz...

Enter, stage right...

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The Oracle of the 4 gods...

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_Once upon a time, there lived a miko—_

**Miaka**: *bouncing up and down* *waving* Hiiii~~~!!!

_*sweatdrop* —who had a brother and a set of parents… Anyhow, this miko's family's livelihood came from looking after chibi suzaku-chickens—_

_(**Suzaku**: *twitch* Chibi… *twitch* Suzaku… *twitch* *twitch* -CHICKENS?!?!)_

_*grins as she brings out 'Authoress certificate of Creative License'*  
Now, these chibi suzaku-chickens lived under the house – how's that possible? Don't ask… Why am I telling this…? Take note, it'll come back later…  
Anyhow, it just so happened that while everyone was away, a freak whirlwind came and caught their house up to transport it to another world…_

**Miaka**: *in the van, pointing upwards* Look, _okaa-san_… Isn't that our house flying in the air…?

**Mother**: *nodding* Yes, dear…

**Father**: *shaking his head* Kids and their imagination nowadays…

_Matte, matte – Miaka, aren't *you* supposed to be in the house…?!?!_

**Miaka**: *blink* I am…?

_*long sigh* *grits teeth* Yes. You. Are. _

**Miaka**: Oh… um… _anou_… 

_*loudspeaker in hand* REWIND!!  
Anyhow, it *just* so happened that while everyone was away – EXCEPT OUR MIKO – a freak whirlwind came and caught their house up to transport it to another world…_

**Miaka**: *in flying house* Whee…!! I'm a flying chibi suzaku-chicken – *stomach growls* which reminds me, I'm hungry… *dreamily* Hmm… roasted chibi suzaku-chicken with mashed potatoes and—

_(**Suzaku**: *wailing* It's not fair… It's not faaair!! Genbu's snappish, Byakko's untouchable and Seiryuu's temperamental – why do *I* always play the guy getting pushed over…?!?! Even my *miko* wants to *EAT* me…!!)_

_As luck would have it, our miko soon fell asleep as the light rocking of the house rocked her into la-la land…_

*THUD*

_Oi, I said *light* rocking…!!_

**House**: And I say I have had enough of _light rocking_… It's time I came down for a _rough landing_… Stars, houses were never made for flying – I think I need to—

_Oi, oi…!! Not in front of the kids, ne…?!?!_

**House**: *hic* Oops, sorry…

_The sudden jolt of the house woke our dear miko from her nap…_

**Miaka**: *snore* Just 5 more minutes, 'kay…?

_*whack* No, no more 5 minutes – I'm running out of time as it is…!!_

**Miaka**: *sporting extra _odango_* *grumble* *grumble* _Baka _authoress-_sama_…

_The young miko stepped out of her house to wonder what strange world had she landed in—_

**Miaka**: *tummy rumbling* Hmm… does anyone know where I can get breakfast…?

_*sweatdrop*_

_Well, it seemed that *everyone* wanted to give her breakfast, for they were chirpy, happy, sugar-high munchki—_

**_Nyan-nyan_****s**: We chirpy! We happy! We sugar-high munchkin _nyan-nyans_!! *bounds over to Miaka* You hungry? We feed! We feed!! We thank _miko_ for killing the Wicked Witch of the East…!!

**Miaka**: *halfway past chocolate-bar-of-the-morning* What Wicked Witch of the East…?

**Voice**: *THIS* Wicked Witch of the East…!!

_By some miraculous gesture, the house was lifted halfway by the Wicked Witch of the East's faithful hound—_

**Ashitare**: *pant* *pant* *growl* ^__^ ß *happy to be included in story*

—_to reveal a disheveled-looking hag-witc—_

**Soi**: *eyes flashing* Oi, who are you calling a hag-witch…?!?!

_*cowers* *only fingers seen above table top* Um… a… disheveled-looking… pretty sorceress…?_

**Soi**: Hmph, much better…

_Anyhow, Soi-Wicked-Witch-of-the-East, aren't you… you know… supposed to be dead…?_

**Soi**: *growl* And just who is going to make m—

_Just then, the all powerful, all beautiful Good Witch of the South appeared and knocked our poor old Wicked Witch of the East into the dirt, to which she landed in a pile of chibi suzaku-chicken poop (see…! I *told* you the fact that we had chibi suzaku-chickens underneath the house would come back…!!) and died instantly… again…_

_(**Suzaku**: *sniffle* A c-chicken…!! She called me a *chicken*…!!)_

**Nuriko**: *dusting hands* That should teach her, trying to protect the man who killed my Hori indeed…

_Oi, FYI, that *was* Soi's most intimate moment with Naka-chan—_

**Nuriko**: *grin* Oh? And not that time when they were in be—

_NURIKO!! Not in front of the KIDS!!_

**Nuriko**: Ah, _gomen, gomen_…

**Miaka**: *fidgets* Are we getting back to the story any time soon…?

_Oh yes… Anyhow, now that breakfast was done, and our miko knew who the Wicked Witch of the East was (saa… that's a very long title to type, no da…!!), the Good Witch of the South proceeded to explain her mission if she wanted to go home—_

**Miaka**: *mumbles around pancakes* But I don't wanna go home… These munchkin _ nyan-nyans_ *really* know how to make good food…

_*sweatdrop*   
NURIKO!! _

**Nuriko**: Who-what-where-when…? Oh…! *commanding* MIAKA!! You *must* go home…!! With you gone, Hori will come back to _mwe_~~~

_Um… that's not how the script goes, Nuri-chan…_

**Nuriko**: *blink* It isn't…? B-but… Hori won't even look at me with Mi-_chan _ here…!! *wails* 

_*sigh* There, there, Nuri-chan… Authoress-sama'll make it up to you, na…?_

**Nuriko**: *sniffle* P-promise…? *sees authoress nod* O-okay… *sniff* *ahem* Miaka… you must miss your family very much… 

**Miaka**: *narrows eyes* Not really… ever had an annoying brother that makes you wanna wring his neck…?

**Nuriko**: *thinks of Rokou* Hmm, now that you mentioned it…

_Would you two just get it over with already…?!?!_

**Miaka**: *sigh* *ahem* Um… y-yes… I really miss my family *sniff*…

**Nuriko**: Then you must find the Oracle of the 4 gods…!! She'll find you a way home (if she doesn't scar you for life with her looks, that is… *hand to cheek* Ooh, I'm so shameless with my vanity…)!! Asides, you have to take the first _Shinzaho_ from the Wicked Witch of the East, and—

**_Nyan-nyan_**** #43**: Follow the yellow brick road…!!

**_Nyan-nyan_**** #91, #32, #75**: Follow the yellow brick road…!!

**_Nyan-nyan_**** #I-can't-count-anymore**: Follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road…!!

**Miaka**: *scratches head* _Eto_… why should I follow the yellow brick road…?

**Nuriko**: *eye twitch* Because that's how you get to the Oracle of the 4 gods…!! *slaps forehead* *sweatdrop* _THIS_ was my _miko_…?!?!

**Miaka**: *ignoring all around her* Oh… I guess I should follow the yellow brick road then…

**_Nyan-nyan_****s**: Yay! You heard – we help! We help! We feed!! We—aiyee…!!

**Nuriko**: *flexes arm* Aah… Now I know how that whatizname oracle feels to make 'em _nyan-nyan_s fly… It *is* stress relieving…

_*slow nod* Ri-ight… Now that *that's* out of the way…  
And so, our beloved miko, laden with goodies from the nyan-nyan munchkins and armed with the Genbu Shinzaho, began following the yello—(**readers**: WE KNOW ALREADY!!)—okay, okay…!! *ahem* And on her way, she stopped to rest her feet by a fence…_

**Miaka**: *massaging toe* _Itai_~~~Hmph, I guess I shouldn't have come out in my bunny-slippers, _ne_…?

**Voice**: *muffled* My word, what in Konan's *empire* _IS _that smell…?

**Miaka**: *turns around* Eh…?

_And what should her pretty eyes see, but a perfect genius, cowering his nose – one, two, thre—(*sweatdrop* I really should read my original storylines before typing these things…)_

**Miaka**: *shrieks* Evil genius, evil genius – kill it! Kill it! Kill it!!

**Chiriko**: *miffed* I assure you, dear lady, I am no evil person… *blush* Though… um… I am much a genius, thank you very much…

_Now our miko, seemingly never seen a genius before, let alone ones that *blush* so sweetly, so became very intereste—_

**Miaka**: *hugging genius like there's no tomorrow* _Anou, totemo kawaii desu~~~_

**Chiriko**: *turning blue* C-can't. B-breathe. _M-miko-sa-ma_…

**Miaka**: Eh…? *lets go* Aah…!! _Gomen ne_, genius-_san_… _Daijoubu_…?

**Chiriko**: _ D-daijoubu_… And my name is Chiriko… *blinks* _Ne_, _miko-sama_… where are you planning on going with 60 bags of sugar and a rubber ducky besides…?

**'Rubby ducky'**: *grr* I am *NOT* a rubber ducky…!! I am a *dun dun dun* _SUPER CHIBI SUZAKU-CHICKEN_!!!

_(authoress-sama cannot stop laughing at this)  
(*suzaku seen flooding the heavens and beyond…*)_

**Miaka**: I'm going to see the oracle…! *sigh* I have to ask her to send me home…

**Chiriko**: *bright eyed* _Hontou_…? *sniff* You're so lucky… I wish I could go see the oracle… 

**Miaka**: *chewing on a bag of sugar* Hmm…? Um… would you like to come with me…? You could ask her for something too…

**Chiriko**: *brighter eyed* _Sugoi na_…!! I could finally ask her for the Tolkien collection I lost during 'The three little _seishi_'…!!

**Miaka**: *sweatdrop* Um… that *is* possible…

_So, the miko and the Chiriko continued to follow the yello—you know what I'm talking about…!! A little while later, they came upon a man completely covered in goo—_

** Man-completely-covered-in-goo**: _Dlmph-spths_…

**Miaka**: *turning to Chiriko* Bless you…

**Chiriko**: *sniffle* _Arigato_, _miko-sama_… _demo_… I don't think it was me…

**Miaka**: _ Nani_…?

** Man-completely-covered-in-goo**: _Umbkth-dph_ *sweatdrop*…

**Miaka**: Look, Chiriko… There's a man completely covered in goo… We just *have* to help him somehow…!!

**Chiriko**: *inspecting the greenish substance* Hmm… it seems to me to be some sort of adhesive substance of high polymer quality…

**All present**: *blink* *blink* Um… in _chinoz_ _kudasai_…?

**Chiriko**: *sweatdrop* I think it's glue, _miko-sama_…

**Miaka**: Glue…? Hey…!! Kazumi-_sensei_ always said that only one thing can wash glue off—

** Man-completely-covered-in-goo**: *wide-eyed* _Umphtd-nbfh-dhphtm!!_

**Miaka**: *hurls magically-appearing-bucket-of-water-from-random-plothole* WATER!!

*SPLASH*

**Tasuki**: *splutter* *splutter* *splat* _Oi, baka onna – _what did you do _ THAT_ for…?!?!

**Chriko**: *deadpan* You're welcome, I'm sure…

**Tasuki**: *grr* Shaddap…!! 

**Miaka**: *unfazed* Hi, I'm Miaka, this is Chiriko, and we're off to see the Oracle of the 4 gods… Um… *blink* why were you covered in glue, Goo-_san_…?

**Tasuki**: The name's Tasuki, not _GOO-san_…!! And I was f*ckin' dumped in that icky stuff 'coz my fren Kouji's on a practical fool's spree…!! *muttering to himself* When I get my hands on him, I'll _REKKA SHI_—d*mn, I lost my _tessen_…!!

**Chiriko**: You lost something, Goo-_san_…? (**Tasuki**: I am *NOT* _GOO-SAN_…!!)Well… Miaka's going to ask the Oracle for her lost home, and I'm going to regain my lost wish (by the way, *why* do you seem so familiar… Have I seen you before in 'The three little _seishi_'…?). Perhaps you could come with us to recover your lost item, _ne_…?

**Tasuki**: *sighs dreamily* If she's that good, I might as well recover more than just a lost _tessen_… *drools* One hot, _tsubasa-owned kawaii_ monk with poofy bangs, _no da _©…

_(O-kay… so authoress-sama isn't the *only* one who's gotten that nickname copyrighted now…)  
So, the miko, Chiriko and Goo-san—(**Tasuki**: I AM *NOT* **GOO**-SAN!!)—*giggle* ah, Tasuki were off once again. Now, it wouldn't do for us to leave behind important characters, so it came to be that they met with their last member of the band—_

**Voice**: Halt! Or I'll… I'll… um…

**Chiriko**: *researching 'The Wizard of Oz'* Lemme guess… the cowardly lion…?

**Tamahome**: *dressed in a loin-cloth-and-little-else* I'm not cowardly, and I'm most definitely _NOT_ a lion…!! I'll run you through with a sword, but all I have is this... this—*waves a twig threateningly*—because... b-because...

**Tasuki**: Because what, _obake-chan_…?

**Tamahome**: *suddenly breaks down* I lost all my _O-KA-NE_...!! I can't pay for a decent sword or get a set of decent clothes, alright...?!?! *wails*

**Miaka**: *sigh* *hugs Tamahome* _Maa maa_… I'm Miaka, that's Chiriko, and the juvenile delinquent over there with his fangy-smirk is Tasuki… *pat* *pat* We're going to see the Oracle of the 4 gods to regain our lost things – would you like to come…?

**Tamahome**: *sniff* Would the Oracle be able to give me back my money…?

**Miaka**: *sweatdrop* *grumble* Do you think of anything else, _ba-ka_…

_~ End Part I ~_

~*~*~*~*~

Aoi Akiko rambles:

Eto... this chapter's getting too long, so Akiko decided to split the story into 2 parts... Hope this is alright with all of you...! ^o^ Part II of 'The Oracle of the 4 gods' should be right up, minna...!!


	4. The wizard of Oz II

Night #2: The Wizard of Oz...

Enter, stage left...

~*~*~*~*~

The Oracle of the 4 gods...

Part II

~*~*~*~*~

_A long, long, looong while later, walking another billion miles down the—(**Tasuki**: —fr*ggin' yellow brick road…!!)—ri-ight… what Tasuki said… we find our heroes and miko lagging…_

**Miaka**: *bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else (she finished her 60 bags of sugar, and a roasted super chibi suzaku-chicken besides (Miaka: *burp* _ Oishii desu_…!!)(*sweatdrop*)* I love you, you love me, let's go now and kill Barney—*evil laughter*

**Tasuki**: Are we there yet…?

**Chiriko**: No.

**Tamahome**: Are we there yet…?

**Chiriko**: *twitch* No.

**Tasuki**: Are we there yet…?

**Chiriko**: *twitch* *twitch* No.

**Tamahome**: Are we the—

**Chiriko**: *exploding* For the *beep*ing last 109,928,759,287,519,304 times, _NO_…

**Tasuki**: Oh… Are you insane yet…?

**Chiriko**: *twitch* *twitch* N—hey, we're here…!!

**Miaka**: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing* I've got a love-ly bunch of coconuts (bum-ba-bump)… there they are standing in a row (bap-bap-baa~~~

**Voice #1**: Ye gods, what in H*ll is that racket…?! It sounds worst than the-Homo-practising-in-the-shower…

**Voice #2**: Shut up, midget… Just because you can't sing, doesn't mean—

**Miaka**: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing, again* Who doesn't know his A-B-C~~~Come on, tell – you or mwe~~~

**Voice #2**: On second thought, you win…

**Miboshi**: *throws down spear* Oi, you down there…

**Miaka**: *points to herself* Are you talking to me…?

**Tomo**: Of course we're talking to you, Mi-_baka_… Who else would be _gifted _with such bad song, _kekekeke_…

**Miaka**: *intelligence runs low on a sugar high* Why, _arigato yo_…

_ Seishi_: *sweatdrop*

**Chiriko**: *ahem* We've come to see the Oracle…

**Miboshi**: *sarcastically* Have you…? Why, we didn't know that… After all, that's _ ALL_ people come to _TAIKYOKU-ZAN_ for—

**Tomo**: *blinks* Really…? I thought they came to see me perform… *flips feathers over shoulder* I am so famous, _kekekeke_…

**Miboshi**: *slaps forehead* I am doomed to a lifetime of working with idiots…

_Enough chatter – more action…!!   
So the miko and her seishi were brought before a giant mirror…_

**Tamahome**: *fidgeting* So… um… _*that's*_ it…?!

**Tasuki**: *fidgeting also* Yeah… I thought oracles were meant to look a little more… omnipotent…

*KABOOM*

**Taiitsukun**: BE QUIET, YOU TWO, BEFORE I DECIDE TO CHANGE YOU INTO _SEISHI_ SUSHI!!

**Tamahome** & **Tasuki**: *holding on to each other* _Kowai na_~~~

**Taiitsukun**: *ahem* So… you made it to _Taikyoku-zan_—

**Miaka**: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing, again again* I believe I can fly~~~Maiagare, Suzaku~~~Fly, fly, up in the sky~~~

**Taiitsukun**: Is *that* the _MIKO_…?!?!

_ Seishi_: *sweatdrop* Regrettably, yes…

**Taiitsukun**: Then it is worst than I expected…

_ Seishi_: *blink* _Nani_…?!

**Taiitsukun**: I cannot utilize my powers on her – or any of you, for that matter – if she's so… _UNSTABLE_… *snaps fingers* *another mirror pops into view* *the picture of Yui-being-fanned-by-Nakkie-poo-and-swooned-over-by-Suboshi-or-is-that-Amiboshi swirls into view* You must travel to Kutou to seize the second _Shinzaho _in the Wicked Witch of the West's, *cough* Yui *cough* possessio—

**Yui-image**: That's _LADY Yui_ to you…!!

**All present**: *sweatdrop*

**Taiitsukun**: —*ahem* Then, and only then, will I have enough power to bless you with your lost articles…

**Chiriko**: *sniffle* So, we have to accompany Miaka-_san_ another 19,351,098 km westward[1], this time on a _SUGAR HIGH_…?!?! *wails* *starts tearing hair out* I'm going to _die_~~~ No…!! I'm too _YOUNG _to _ *DIE*_…!!

**Tasuki**: *nudges Tamahome* So *this* is Chiriko's true face…?

**Tamahome**: *nods* Remind me never to get him upset if I ever value my life…

_All in all, it was a sad, miserable departing from Taikyoku-zan, the um… not-too-sane miko and her slowly-cracking seishi traveling west with a new mission on hand…  
But enough of that… Let's jump to the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine, ne…?_

**Yui**: *slaps hand away from her* _NO._ Bad, bad slave. Stay!!

**Suboshi**: *whimpers against bare thigh* B-but Yui-_sama_… just one little kiss…

**Yui**: *growl* No!! My body, my hand – my say…!! You stay where you and… take care of yourself…

**Suboshi**: *hangs head* *arms hugging bared torso* *sniffle* _H-hai_, Yui-_sama_…

_So poor Subo-chan was left to tend to his scraped shoulder-to-chest wound due to some Aniki-threw-my-Ryuuseisui-at-me accident (eh…? What were you thinking…?! Eek – hentai~~~!!), while his Yui-sama looked out a window…_

**Nakago**: *coming by his _miko_* Yui-_sama_, the _Suzaku no miko_ is approaching with 3 of her _seishi_…

**Yui**: *face turns sour* Ch… I knew it…!! She's come to steal my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!! Well, I'll never let her have it…!! *hollers out window* You hear me, Miaka…?! _ NEVER, NEVER EVER_…!!

**Nakago**: *sweatdrop* Um… I think she's after your _Shinzaho_…

**Yui**: *blush* Oh… um… that too…

**Nakago**: What would you suggest we do, Yui-_sama_…?

**Yui**: *thinking* Hmm… she's with her _seishi_, so that would mean Tamahome would be with her… *snaps fingers* I know, I'd send the super-duper-incredible-sugar-high-resistant—

**Nakago**: *asking hopefully* —Kutou soldiers…?

**Yui**: *snaps head* H*ck, _NO_!! The chibi seiryuu-salamanders, of course…!!

_(**Seiryuu**: *SALAMANDERS*?!?!  
**Suzaku**: *past his wailings and is now a (chicken) punk a'la Zell Dincht © FFVIII* Gee, looks like I ain't the only one she's making fun of now, brudda…!!)_

_So the _ super-duper-incredible-sugar-high-resistant _chibi seiryuu-salamanders were sent out to attack our still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing miko and her by-now-cracked seishi—_

**Tamahome**: *picking up pebbles* Hey look…! _Okane_'s sprouting out of the ground…

**Tasuki**: *stroking a piece of wood* My beautiful _tessen_… My preciousss… My own…

**Chiriko**: *trying to catch butterflies* Come back here, you *beep* *beep* *beepity* *beep* no-good *beeping* insect…!!

_—so when the aforementioned chibi seiryuu-salamanders came and tied them up, they didn't know what hit'em… The leader coiled itself around our beyond-insane miko (**Miaka**: Oh, a feathered boa…!! For me…? You're sooo pwruddy… *purr*)(**Chibi seiryuu-salamander**: *sweatdrop*) and flew back to the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine. In fact, it was a good 3 days later before they noticed how quiet their surroundings were without their euphoric miko chasing away all the Tamiaka[2] birds to pack up and fly south 6 months early…_

*crickets chirping*

**Tamahome**: *blink* Hey… have you guys noticed something…?

**Chiriko**: *beep*

**Tasuki**: *blearily* Wha…? Go back to sleep, _obake-chan_…

**Tamahome**: *standing up* I mean, it's really, really quiet…

**Chiriko**: *beep*?

**Tasuki**: Yeah… so…?

**Tamahome**: *scratching his head* I don't know… do you get the feeling we're missing someone… Lesse, there's me… there's fang-boy—

**Tasuki**: *growl* I dare you to say that again…!!

**Tamahome**: —and there's Chiriko…

**Chiriko**: *beep*…!!

**Tasuki**: *turning around* Hey… where…

**Tamahome**: *realization dawning* … is…

**Chiriko**: *catching on as well* _*BEEP*-*BEEP*-*BEEP*?!!_

**Tamahome** & **Tasuki**: *stare*

**Chiriko**: *dejectedly* *beep*…

**Tasuki**: *grinning* Well said, tough guy…

_Well, now that those poor loons have gotten themselves sorted, we now fly over to the Kutou shrine to see how our antagonists are doing…_

**Miaka**: *rubbing her temple* Ugh… I bet I'm the only person in the world ever to suffer from sugar-induced-_genki_-hangovers…

**Amiboshi**: *pats Miaka on back* _Maa maa_, Miaka-_chan_… Just… let it all out and it'll be all right…

*sounds of Miaka being… um… violently sick…* *images of Amiboshi being… um… frighteningly green…*

**Yui**: *entering room* Ha! I've caught you, Mi-_baka_,and now that I have you, I'll never let you go, because I know what you're after…!! *holds out _ Hongou Yui's Secret Book of Secret Recipes_* I'll never let you have my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky—

**Nakago**: *whispering* Or the _Shinzaho_…

**Yui**: *smacks Nakkie-poo* Oh, who cares about *that*…?!?! I _*KNOW*_ she's here for my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pock—

**Miaka**: *blinks* Um… Yui…? Can I have the _Shinzaho_, _kudasai_…?

**Yui**: *blinks in disbelief* _NANI?!?_ You don't want my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…?!?! B-but, I t-thought—

**Nakago**: *rolling eyes* I hate to tell you this, Yui-_sama_, but I told you so…

**Yui**: *sniff* I was _wrong_…? That can't be – I'm never _WRONG_…!! *snaps* NAKAGO!! Bring out our secret-weapon-code-X-3000-version-2.365½—

**Nakago**: *asking hopefully* —Kutou soldiers…?

**Yui**: *whacks Nakkie-poo* H*ck, _NO_!! The chibi-suzaku-chicken-for-emergency-hostage-situations, you nutcase…!!

_(**Suzaku**: *eyes boggled* HEY! I thought we were over the chibi suzaku-chicken thingie!!)_

_And so, dear Subo-chan comes in with a skeletal cage containing one frightened little chibi suzaku-chicken whimpering inside…_

_(**Suzaku**: *whimper* Why me… WHY *ME*…?!?!)_

**Miaka**: *eyes wide* No…!! Anything but a chibi-suzaku-chicken-for-emergency-hostage-situations chibi suzaku-chicken…!!

**Amiboshi**: *sees frightened Miaka* I'll save it, Miaka-_chan_…!!

_And so, without further ado, he flung the bucket containing the contents of Miaka-being-violently-sick towards the three plotting adversaries…_

**Yui**: *stares at herself* Eww… what on earth is thi—am I melting…?!?! *grabs Nakago* Quick, do something, Nakkie-poo, I'm _*MELTING*_…!!

**Nakago**: *sweatdrop* As much as I'll like to, Yui-_sama_… I'm melting too…

**Suboshi**: Aniki – how could you do this to _*mwe*~~~_

**Amiboshi**: Suboshi…

**Suboshi**: Aniki…

**Amiboshi**: Suboshi…

**Suboshi**: Aniki…

**Miaka**: Amiboshi…

**Suboshi**: Aniki…?

**Amiboshi**: Miaka…

**Yui**: Suboshi!!

**Suboshi**: Yui-_sama_~~~

**Nakago**: …

*sizzle*

**Amiboshi**: Suboshi~~~

**Miaka**: Amiboshi…

*WHAM*

**Tamahome**: Miaka…!!

**Miaka**: Amibosh—Tamahome…?!

*and a minute later*

**Tasuki**: *sweatdrop* I'm thinking we missed something here…?

_So, part the adventure ends here, for the Wicked Witch of the West was gone, and with it, her two scheming henchmen (**Nakago**: Hmph, *scheming* henchmen indeed… I didn't so much get 10 words out in this story…!!)(**Suboshi**: *wailing* Yui-sama~~~!!). But before they left the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine to her last seishi's care (because the chibi seiryuu-salamanders were just too cute to leave to their own)—_

_(**Seiryuu**: *spluttering his altar-top sake* Cute…? *CUTE*?! Did she just say I was ** *CUTE***…?!?!?!  
**Byakko** & **Genbu**: *sweatdrop* Oy, I think she made him mad…)_

_—the miko and seishi had one last thing to do—_

**Miaka**: Hey…! It's Yui's star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!! 

(**Yui-in-heaven**: *lunges forward* *stopped by Suboshi's-arms-around-her-waist* I _KNEW_ it!! She came for my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!! I'll get you yet, _ MI-A-KA_…!! You, and your chibi suzaku-chicken too…!!)

_(**Suzaku**: *sob* So much for being a punk – everyone's against me…!!  
**Seiryuu**: More sake…?  
**Suzaku**: *nod* From Taiitsukun's collection…?  
**Seiryuu**: *grinning* You bet…)_

**Miaka**: Oh, and the _Shinzaho_, of course… Hey…! Now that we have everything—

**Tasuki**: Let's get the h*ll out of here…

**Chiriko**: *nod* *beep*

**Tamahome**: *eyeing youngest _seishi_*Ya know, Chiriko… you might want to reconsider your that wish a'yours…

**Chiriko**: *sniffle* *beep*…

_And so, off to Taikyoku-zan they went, this time arriving much faster with the aid of their-new-Master-Amiboshi's chibi-seiryuu-salamander-drawn-carriage—_

_(**Seiryuu**: *paling* Must she be so cruel…?!  
**Suzaku**: More sake…?  
**Seiryuu**: *grr* Forget the bowls, Suzie – chug it straight from the neck…!!  
**Suzaku**: *hic* I like your style, brudda…!!)_

_—and landed, *plop* in the middle of the Oracle's throne room…_

**Miaka**: Um… Taiitsukun…?

*chirp* *chirp* *chirp* 

**Miaka**: *sweatdrop* Hmph… and I thought she'd be waiting for us…

**Tasuki**: *growling* Well, h*ll I ain't waiting for _HER_…!! Bad enough I have to put up with a _okane-_obsessed _obake-chan _(**Tamahome**: Hey…!), a good-but-too-young-swearing dictionary (**Chiriko**: *beep*…!!), and a just-wound-down-from-a-3-day-high _miko_…!! *bangs on mirror* _OI, SUNAKAKE BABA!!_

**Voice**: Da~~~ don't hurt me, _no da_…!!

**Tasuki**: *jumping back* C-chichiri…?

_To their surprise, the giant mirror crashed (**Tasuki**: *sheepish grin* *tip-toeing backwards* Gee, guess I don't know my own strength…), revealing a chibified kawaii monk with poofy bangs, no da ©…_

**Chibi chiri**: Da~~~ _arigato_ for freeing me from behind the mirror, _no da_… Taiitsukun-_sama_ locked me back there because I failed to paint her toenails the right color…

_ Seishi_: *shudders* She made you do _WHAT_…?!?!

**Chibi chiri**: *sweatdrop* Um… _nan demo nai, na no da_… *blinks* Well… since you freed me from my spell, I'll grant you each a wish, _no da_… What'll it be, _no da_…?

**Miaka**: *getting dragged forward* *grumble* *grumble* *shyly* Um… I was wondering… since there's no Oracle of the 4 gods and all… Are you the Wizard of Oz…?

**Chibi chiri**: Oz, _no da_…? I have never heard of such a thing, _no da_… _demo_, I'm the Mage of Suzaku, _no da_… Does that help…?

**Miaka**: *wide-eyed* S-suzaku…?!

**Chibi chiri**: *nod* *nod* _Hai_, _no da_… Suzaku's our god, _no da_ – *points to picture of Suzaku statue in Eiyo palace's shrine*

**Miaka**: *blinks* I-I've been eating the chibi-versions of a g-god…?!?!

_(**Suzaku**: *snaps head* Oh, *NOW* she knows…!!  
** Seiryuu**: Oh, shaddap…!! At least you have someone to save you from *your* fate…!!)_

**Chibi chiri**: *sweatdrop* E-eat, _no da_…?

**Miaka**: *ignoring chibi chiri* I can't believe this… All my life… And _okaa-san_… and _otou-san_… and… Oh…! I have to stop this madness…!! *whirls around* Mage, I wish to be sent home to complete this new mission of preventing the world from consuming more chibi-gods…!!

**Chibi chiri**: … done, _no da_…

*poof*

_And so, our mission-minded miko returned to her world to safely banish the appearance of chibi suzaku-chickens on any menu, thus we now do not see it regardless whether it is served as a specialty item or not… On the other hand, there *is* the issue of Phoenix claws served during Chinese dim sums… but that's another story…_

**Tamahome**: Oi…!! What about us…?!?!

_Oh…!! I almost forgot…_

**Chibi chiri**: And what is your wish, Tama-_kun_…?

**Tamahome**: *ka-ching* $__$ I wish that I could be the world's—

**Tasuki**: *whispering* —biggest _obake-chan_ there ever was, _no da_…

**Tamahome**: ^o^ —biggest _obake-chan_ there ever was, _no da_…!!

**Chibi chiri**: … done, _no da_…

*poof*

**Tamahome**: *blink* What…?! The _biggest obake-chan there ever was_…?!?! _NO~~~_

**Chibi chiri**: And you, Chiriko-_kun_…?

**Chiriko**: *sniff* *beep*

**Chibi chiri**: _No da_…?

**Chiriko**: *glassy eyed* *be-eep*!! 

**Chibi chiri**: *wide eyed* _Nano da_…?

**Chiriko**_: _*nods* _*****_beep* *beep* *beep* *wails*

**Chibi chiri**: *smiles* … done, _no da_…

**Chiriko**: *beep*?

*poof*

_Wonders of wonders, our Chiriko stood no more… Instead, in his place, was the most bishounen, the most biseinen, the most—*drool*_

**Adult Chiriko**[3]: _Arigato_, Chichiri-_sama_…!! This wish worked better than my last…

**Chibi chiri**: *turning to his last charge* And you, Tas-_chan_…?

**Tasuki**: *fanged smirk* I don't wanna sound greedy, but can I split my wish into three…?

**Chibi chiri**: *scratch head* Um… sure, _no da_?

**Tasuki**: Alright, for my first part, I would like my _tessen_ back…

**Chibi chiri**: *nod* Done, _no da_…

*poof*

**Tasuki**: *hugs _ tessen_* It's gre-at to see you again, buddy _(because authoress-sama needs you in the next sap-worthy, tear-jerky, Once upon a time… The end story…)_. *another fanged smirk* And for my second part, I would like the adult version of you instead…

**Chibi chiri**: *blush* Um… okay, _no da_…

*poof*

**Chichiri**: Is this alright, Tas-_chan_…?

**Tasuki**: *pounce*

**Chichiri**: T-tas-_chan_, _no da_…!!

**Tasuki**: *seductive purr* And for my third part, Chiri…

**Chichiri**: _H-hai_, _no da_…?

**Tasuki**: Shut up and kiss me, _koi_…

The end…

~*~*~*~*~

Aoi Akiko rambles:

*flops onto bed* Finally done...!! I admit, this isn't as nice as 'The three little seishi', but I was writing it for a friend (love you, Irisu-san...!! Hope all goes well for your housemate issue... *hugs*). Did you enjoy it, minna...?

_Notes_

_[1] Miko and seishi traveling westward to Kutou  
I know that Kutou is in the east, but for sake of being canon to the original 'The Wizard of Oz', they'll be traveling west, where the Wicked Witch of the West will be..._

_[2] Tamiaka birds  
This is an old... lame... joke... A friend and I couldn't stand Tamahome and Miaka's repetition of one another's name, so we called it the so-called 'mating call of the Tamiaka bird'. And thus, I'm adding this to the fic as well (*grin* I am so cruel...)_

_[3] Adult Chiriko  
Daa~~~ Have you seen the picture sketch of teenager-Chiriko...? Honestly, neither have I, but I heard it's to die for... Anyhow, I added this in upon the request of a friend of mine (Chiriko_kid). This one's for you, girl...!!_

_Hey, hey, don't go yet...!! There's one more story to go...!!_


	5. The little match girl

Night #3: The little match girl...

Enter, stage right...

~*~*~*~*~

The little _ tessen_ bandit...

~*~*~*~*~

_Once upon a time, during the most bitter winter in Hokkan, there was a little tessen bandit who lived with his adoptive parents, Tamahome & Miaka—_

**Tasuki**: *baring his fang* Oi, what the h*ll am I doing with _obake_-_chan _and Mi-chan…? As their *SON* moreover—

_*annoyed* Do you want to end up with Chichiri-sama or *not*…?!_

**Tasuki**: *eep* _Gomen gomen_… _tsuzukeru kudasai_, authoress-_sama_…

_*ahem* As I was saying… Once upon a supercalifragilisticepiellilocious, there was a little tessen bandit… Now this little tessen bandit had been sent out of the house by his beloved on a simple errand—_

**Tamahome**: *grinning like a mad monkey on sugar* *aside* Ooh, I love my role in this story *aloud* Oi, _FANG-BOY_…!! Get out there and start earning me more _okane_, or else no _sake_…!!

**Tasuki**: _ Iie_—not my _sake_…!!

**Tamahome**: Then _*GIT*_!! *kicks poor son out of house*

(background) ** Miaka**: Honey, was that little Shushu crying again…?

**Tasuki**: *eyes boggling* *growling at authoress-sama* _SHUSHU_…?!?! What kind of sick kiddy-name is that…?!?!?!?

_*sweatdrop* Um… the kind that'll make you spare the authoress because you'll get yaoi-ed in the end…?_

**Tasuki**: *grumbling* Chiri better know what I'm going through for him…

_So anyway, the little tessen boy was thrown out of his own home to earn some money for his *cough* beloved *cough* father, otherwise he'll get beate—_

**Tasuki**: Get this straight, _baka onna_ – do you *think* I'll let _obake-chan_ lay one hair on me…?!?!

_—*cowers* ehehe… I mean, take his sake away… So the little tessen bandit began wandering the streets, selling… um… Tas-chan?_

**Tasuki**: *eyebrow twitch* What?!

_Just what *are* you selling…?_

**Tasuki**: Fire, what else?!?! *reads original story* Ain't that what the _Little Matchstick_ was selling too…?

_*sweatdrop* It's 'Little Match Girl', not 'Little Matchstick'… _

_B-but, Tas-chan… the little match girl had dozens of matchstick bundles…_

**Tasuki**: -.-;; So, what's yer point…?

_Well… you only have… um… *one* tessen…_

**Tasuki**: So I'll _Rekka Shien_ whatever they want burnin'. Are you so dense…?!?!

_Aah… wakarimashita, wakarimashita… (note to self: When did I ever agree to taking in such outspoken seishi…?!?!)_

_*ahem* Anyway, to continue the story…!! So, the little tessen bandit strolled down the streets, yelling—_

**Tasuki**: Fire! Fire!! Anyone there, I've got Fire!!

_—to which all the villages panicked—_

**Random villager #22**: *wide-eyed* Fire? Where??! Gah, where's _Genbu_ when you need him…?!?!

**Random villager #37**: *pulling wife and children* Quick, there's a fire – run for the hills…!!

**Random villager #11**: *abacus in hand* Lesse, if there's a fire, then the _Hokkan National Insurance _should pay me…

_—and in less than 30 seconds, all of the village had fled, to shelters unknown… Leaving behind one very confused little tessen bandit…_

**Tasuki**: *sweatdrop* Ch, buncha morons…

_Anyhow, as the story goes, our little tessen bandit was too afraid to go home—_

**Tasuki**: Whaddaya mean _AFRAID_?!?! I am *not* afraid of doing the sort – if anything, I'm gonna beat the cr*p out of _obake-chan _for making m—

_*hands on hips* Tas-chan, I repeat, do you, or do you NOT, want to end up with Chiri somewhere during *this* *CENTURY*…?!_

**Tasuki**: _ Hai hai~~~_ *kisses authoress' arm, Gomez-Addams style* _Mou ichido kudasai_, _ne_…?

_*hmph* Alright, our little tessen bandit was too afriad to go home, for fear of his father taking away his sake (*tasuki twitches*). It was a cold, lonely night… And for want of a little comfort, the little tessen bandit set his tessen alight… With a little imagination, he began to see—_

**Tasuki**: *eyes wide with glee* _SAKE_!! *grabs a bottle* *bottle spills open, revealing—* *leaping 20 feet into the air* _MILK_?!?! It's *_MY_* _tessen_, *_MY_* imagination, and I conjure up ***_MILK_***?!?!?!

_So the little tessen bandit began trying to rid the horrible image by batting his tessen onto the ground, trying to dissipate the flames. _

**Tasuki**: *shudder* *twitch* Milk… bad… memories… mother… baby… suffocating… *shudder* *twitch*

_The night did not pass kindly, and once the delirium had ended, the little tessen bandit found himself cold and lonely once more. So he decided to light his tessen once mor—_

**Tasuki**: Oh no, I _AIN'T_…!! That last scene prol'ly scarred me fer life, _baka onn—_

_*holds up familiar picture of a kawaii monk with poofy bangs, no da ©* One word, Tas-chan : Chichiri…_

**Tasuki**: *shivers with delight* Your wish is my command, authoress-_sama_…

**Tasuki**: All right, let's try this again… _REKKA SHIEN~~~_!!

_A raging inferno burst forth from his mythical fan, engulfing him in a ring of fire. The images it brought this time were no other than—_

**Voice**: Kou…? Is that you, you useless little _aho_…?!

**Tasuki**: *freaking out as a volley of imaginary logs get lobbed at him* _A-AI-DOU_?!?!?!

**Aidou**: It *is* you, you lazy little _saru_!! Get back here and finish up your chores before I bury you under a pile of trees, you worthless little _ kiseichu_…!!

_Then suddenly—_

**Voice(s)**: Kou, our _ototou_, where are you…?!?! You promise to come swimming with us…!!

**Tasuki**: *even more alarmed* Forget this whole sh*t, this is a f*ckin' nightmar—

_And not watching where he was running, he ended up *smack* into—_

**Voice**: Shushu!! Come here and let ­_kaa-san_ give you a hug…

_And thusly, our little tessen bandit was left flailing his limbs, gasping for air within the oxygen-deprived confines of his mother's… *ahem* very ample bosom…_

_(*giggle* Hmm, I *knew* the name Shushu rang a bell…)_

**Tasuki**: *fighting to get away* *plop* *panting* S-stay a-away from m-me… _K-kaa-san_…!! *frantically looking around* The _tessen_… Where's the _tessen_…?! Gotta get rid of the flames before this whole thing drives me insane~~~

_Run, Tasuki, run… As quick as you can. Nobody can get you, you're the gingerbrea—ai!! Wrong storyline…!!_

*thunk* *bonk* _ Ite~~~_

**Tasuki**: _ TESSEN!! _*starts jumping on beloved fan and shoveling snow on it as we hear _"Oi, you little aho!!" "K-o-u…!! Come swimming with us, NOW!!" "Shushu… come back to kaa-san, Shushu~~~"_ in the background*

_ Tessen_: *sizzle* *sizzle* *splutter* *splutter* *splat*

**Tasuki**: *poking _tessen_ with the edge of his foot* _Tessen_…? Oi, ol'buddy, ol'pal, are you okay…? 

**_Tessen_**: *whimper* *whimper* *moan*

**Tasuki**: Noooo~~~!! Speak to me, _tessen_…!! You can't die…!! You can't… _ OPEN YOUR EYES, ONEGAI~~~!!!_

_*sweatdrop* Eh…? Isn't that Miaka's line before Nuri—mmph?!?_

_Well, half-a-night later, once the little tessen bandit had resuscitated his beloved tessen back to life once more…_

**Tasuki**: *stroking diamond fan* My preciousss… my own… Preciousss…

_*multiple sweatdrops* O-kay… Looks like authoress-sama isn't the only one suffering from LotR withdrawal symptoms… Anyhow, *psst* Tas-chan… you have one last vision to see…_

**Tasuki**: *adamantly* No!! If the first didn't scar me for life already, then the second one finished the job…!!

_Onegai…? Just one, I promise… the last one…?_

**Tasuki**: *shakes his head* Never again… I swear, I s-swear…

_A small, tiny, itty-bitty-flame…?_

**Tasuki**: *shakes his head even more vigorously* _Kowai… kowai… kowai… kowai…_

_I'll make it worth it…_

**Tasuki**: *pause* *sniffle* *pause* O-okay… *very quietly* rekka shien…

_A spark, a puff of fire warmed his blue hands, but not enough. Nonetheless, the little tessen bandit daren't call forth tessen's full power, for he did not want a repeat session of what he had experience before…_

**Tasuki**: *teeth chattering* D-d*mn s-straight…

_The fire began to wane, and though the little tessen bandit didn't want to make the flame glow any brighter, he didn't want it to go out either. Waving it weakly, he managed to stay the weakening ember fading to blue…_

_The blue blurred… And with it, a head materialized…_

**Voice**: T-tas… -_chan_, _no da_…?

**Tasuki**: *frozen* C-chi-c-chi-r-ri…?!

**Chichiri**: *jumping to retrieve his little _tessen_ bandit* Tas-_chan_, _ no da_…!! You're freezing—

**Tasuki**: *being enveloped by his love's _kesa_* *weak chuckle* H-heh… unders-statement of the c-century…

**Chichiri**: *grinning* *seductive purr* Ah, but I know just the thing to _warm you up_, _na no da_…

**Tasuki**: *blushing* *grinning* Wouldn't have it any other way, _koi_…

_And so our tale comes to an end, as two fated lovers blessed by Suzaku flew to the skies as one, wrapped in each other's arms like there was no tomorrow… _

_As for the little tessen that got left behind, it lifted itself up and smiled its little metallic smile, glad that it could help its Master find happiness at last. With a bound and a leap, it whirled its way into a plot-hole, ready to be used for another PWP Once upon a time… The end story…_

_The end…_

~*~*~*~*~

Aoi Akiko rambles:

Ai...!! *cowers under table* Gomen nasai if this isn't as funny as the last one, but Akiko was feeling a little TasxChi deprived, so decided to write a half-humor, half-romance, happy-ever-after story... Hope you enjoyed it though ^_^

_And oh, Akiko knows it's way too early for this, but The Little Match Girl has always been a sweet sorrowful Christmas story, so that's what I intend this be too...!! Krismasu omedeto gozaimasu, minna!!_

_Review kudasai, minna...!! _


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